Britain's Madness- bumbling cop to star in new Pink Panther film

Dear People of Britain,

          How can you possibly allow this kind of thing to happen? Has the old country now got the worst case of Mad Brits disease that it has had in the many centuries of its existence?

          Talk about getting soft in the head, this latest madness takes the Queen’s Police Medal for Distinguished Service by a long way.

          A Policewoman, who you would have thought had a duty to make Britain proud, is busy turning the entire country into an April 1^st joke.

          And what makes it even worse is that her Police bosses are standing idly by evidently powerless to stop this cancer in their midst.

          Petrol station owner Steve Jones called the Police one night after his burglar alarm went off. And along came the Norfolk Constabulary’s equivalent of Inspector Clouseau of The Pink Panther comedy series fame.

    

Scruffy cop

      Playing the part magnificently, bumbling Constable Kelly Jones, 33, tripped over the roadside curb as she came to investigate.

          Of course it couldn’t possibly have been her fault so she has hired a top London lawyer and is suing poor old Steve for 50 000 pounds. She claims she injured a leg and wrist in the fall and that Steve was negligent because he did not have sufficient lighting or warning signs and exposed her to an unnecessary risk of injury.

          The Mail on Line reported that Steve said, I thought nothing of it, other than she must have been a bit embarrassed. I helped her up and she continued to search the premises for an intruder.

          I am incredulous that I am being sued by a Police officer whose duty it is to protect the public, he added. How can anyone feel safe calling the cops if they size you up for compensation while they’re fighting crime?

          If this mother of two has made a laughing stock of Britain’s entire Police Force she has been ably abetted by her Chief Constable Phil Gormley, now known as

Steve & dangerous curb

Gormless Phil.

          His pathetic, wishy washy response was that this undermines the public’s trust in the Police and he did not support her action.

          The lady was conveniently on sick leave over what was said to be an unrelated problem.

          But as soon as Gormless Phil heard about what had happened he should have immediately ordered PC Jones to apologise in writing to Steve and the Chief should have added his own apology on behalf of the Norfolk Constabulary as a whole.

          My sources now tell me that the lady cop doesn’t have to worry about whether or not she will get any money out of Steve because she is heading for the big time. She has fallen, this time with her bum in the butter.

          She is to be asked to star in a new Pink Panther series that will have her as the female Inspector Clouseau.

         

Gormless Phil

In the popular series the incompetent Inspector played mainly by Peter Sellers did things like falling down stairs while trying to interview a witness to a crime and accidentally shooting another cop in the backside.

          So you can understand how ideal PC Jones is for the part, especially as she has already got such widespread publicity for her new role.

          Have fun watching the show although you must all be cringing at the way one scruffy Police woman has ensured that the word Great will never ever be associated  with Britain again.

          Regards,

          Jon